Day 6, Part Dos

Well, I have been up since yesterday morning. I am so anxious and I have no clue why. Probably has a lot to do with everything that's been going on lately. I tried taking a nap this afternoon but that didn't work. I'm in a ginormous funk and I really can't stand it. Actually, I think I have a clue. I've been feeling really alone lately. I'm not one who enjoys spending a lot of my free time by myself; I like having people around me, whether we're actually doing something or just hanging out watching TV. I am not close with any of my friends anymore, and I really miss it. I understand that when you're married and have kids, you're really busy but at the same time I don't understand how you can't take an hour a week to call me back, go out with me for coffee, or even just invite me over. I will help you clean, cook, whatever you want, just to spend some time with you. I don't think relationships can be upheld by seeing or talking to each other once a month. Today, I really needed someone to talk to. Just to make myself feel better and a hell of a lot less lonely. But everyone was too busy. No one had 10 minutes to spare to pick up a damn phone. And it made me feel like shit. Like I said, I just don't get it. I don't get how you claim you care about someone but can't take time out of your precious day to dial a number and say "Hey, I was just thinking about you/returning your call. Are you ok?" Thankfully, DA is coming over after work. He worked an overnight last night and is working until 10 tonight so it really means a lot to me that he is doing this. Even if we fall asleep as soon as he gets here, I don't care; I just don't want to be alone going through all this ya know?

So I was talking to 2 people on the pre-PT forums today and they are going through the same thing I'm going through in terms of getting accepted for DPT. And they are my age so I can relate and it makes me feel a little bit better about all of this crap. I decided that I'm not gonna pursue the PTA if I don't get accepted for fall; I know DPT is my dream and I won't be satisfied working under someone else's supervision 24/7. I also know I'd eventually go for the DPT so I'd rather just get it over with now. If I don't get accepted, I will try to get a job as a PT aide/tech and train again, preferably where the gym will help pay for my recert cuz I don't want to blow $700.

Now for the weigh-in stats: I lost 3 pounds this week, woohoo!! 2 more to go and I get my nail polish. Today was supposed to be abs and STS Back & Bi's but I only did the abs part. I just didn't have it in me to do STS. I had a meltdown in the middle of the T-band pulls so I figured it probably wasn't the best idea to be lifting heavy weights at the moment. I'll tackle that workout tomorrow.

I also rented all my books today for spring semester. To buy used would've cost me around $500-$600 which I was not thrilled about, but renting cost me about $150-$200. I don't care about not being able to keep them; the money matters more to me right now. I was kinda bummed that my A&P book was totally different from last semester, cuz that would've saved me some money. Oh well.