Oh CRAP

Well this weekend was pretty eventful to say the very least.

The Good: I lost a pound, yay!! I have been doing pretty well with the eating, but I still have to nip that nighttime noshing in the bud. P90X is pretty tough but I'm enjoying it. Except for that blonde chick; she annoys the ever living crap out of me.

The Bad: I'm so broke it's not even funny. I just sent my future landlady my first month's rent plus security deposit and I almost cried. Not really, but it was still painful. Thing is, I didn't know there was a transfer limit so I could only send her 80% of the money today and the rest will be sent tomorrow. She is probably pissed at me; I emailed her to let her know and I don't even move in until the end of June so I hope it's not a problem. She neglects to keep in mind that yes rent is usually due the 28th of every month, but we are not going to be living there on the first, so we should be allowed some leeway with this. Oh well, nothing I can do about it. I still have to buy my bedroom set and reserve the U-haul truck as well. Blah. Stupid government not giving out loans until July. Aholes.

The Ugly: I spilled my guts to my best friend yesterday. I couldn't take it anymore and it needed to be done. I'm not one to sit on things and ruminate: I need to let shit out almost right away. Well, what really brought it out was that he had to go and be totally sweet and change his schedule to help me move into the house which was where this downfall started. I tried SO hard not to act on anything and see if any of my feelings went away but that wasn't gonna happen. I thought I could just ignore them...and then Saturday happened.

Again, he had to fuck things up by being nice to me and actually treating me the way a guy should be treating a girl (or anyone else that means anything to him, romantic ties or not). Anyway, he had moving boxes for me so I went to his place to get them. I left, went to a friend's bbq where I drank a little too much but I thought I had at least until midnight to sober up but NO, we got kicked out at 9:30. Because he's my best friend, and every time I get in these ever-too-frequent stupid sitcom-like scenarios I have to tell him about it, I texted him; he told me to come to his place and stay there because he didn't want me to drive all the way home like that. He was tired but said he would wait up for me, and he did. We were watching TV and out of nowhere I felt like something smacked me in the face. I'm like "You moron, wtf are you doing?? You don't even realize what's right in front of your face! None of the douchebags you've ever dated EVER did stuff for you like he does and he has been doing this for SIX YEARS while you kept him in the friend zone. What is your freakin problem?!" Then it hit me: I am in love with this kid. Who do I call whenever something good, bad, or totally stupid happens? Him. Who calls me to make me laugh when I'm having a crappy day? Him. Who do I trust to tell me like it is with 100% honesty all.the.TIME? Him. And who has had my back for all these years and doesn't expect anything in return (because God knows I haven't been as good to him as he is to me)? HIM!! However, the predicament was I was kinda tipsy and did not want to have a serious conversation in that state, not to mention he was probably gonna pass out so that kinda limited it as well. I guess all that debating and thinking made me exhausted cuz then next thing I know I'm curled up in a ball on his couch and he's putting a blanket on me and told me he left the light on in the kitchen in case I wanted to get a drink or something during the night. CRAP!

Yesterday I decided this is effing DUMB. I need to swallow my pride and say something so I tried to get him to come down to my house but he was overtired and not feeling well. So because I'm impatient and wanted to get this over with NOW, I took the cowardly way out and sent him a text. I spilled it all. I told him I love him and he has done more for me than anyone I've ever been with EVER has. The gist didn't resonate cuz his reply was "Well, that's what friends are for" and I told him "No ass, I'm interested in you!!!!" Good thing is, the feeling is mutual; bad thing is, with me moving so far away and working on the weekends, that leaves practically ZERO time to see each other. Blow me. Oh well, I'm relieved that it's out and that he knows how I feel about him so that is something positive I guess.

It also might be a good thing being that maybe jumping into a long distance thing right now would be a major distraction with school and everything, especially since I'm just starting. The timing is just really awful and totally sucks and I know when he starts dating someone else I will be devastated. But I don't expect him to wait around for me forever. On the other hand, I really wanted this to happen because I never really clicked with anyone else like I click with him. I thought I did with DA because the honest fact of the matter was I didn't really KNOW DA at all, and after a few months I finally saw the true colors come out. I've known this dude for years and we have gotten pretty close over the past 18 mos so I think it's safer to say we have more in common and fit better than DA and I did. FML!!!