Let's Do This

I spent most of the day feeling sorry for myself. No workout, barely got out of bed. I tried getting the plyos done but 15 min in I had a breakdown and started bawling (don't ask why). I logged onto FB and one of my friends posted an entry from this vlog that I used to watch that always cracked me up. The girl who does them is extremely inappropriate (sister I never had???) and hilarious, and there was one that she did that snapped me out of it. Dude, why am I doing this to myself?! What is the point of sitting here, wallowing in how shit is sucking instead of trying to make it better? This dude had his chance and blew it, so why am I allowing that to dictate how I feel about myself? You don't want to meet me halfway and you just dismiss all of this when I know I will make you happy? You've been waiting for this for how long and when it's right in front of you, you don't even want to try and see what will happen? Then that's your problem, not mine. Time to move on.

See, my problem is that I give people too many chances and in return it winds up killing me. It's one thing to go out on a limb and put your faith in someone, but another to be a total sucker doormat. I will not be a doormat ever again. That is probably the most self-deprecating feeling I've ever had in my life. You basically sit around waiting for someone to figure out your worth and how awesome you are, meanwhile all that sitting and waiting winds up making you miss out on what YOU want, and that is not living. That is being pathetic. There is nothing less attractive than someone who sits around and waits for something to happen, jumping whenever someone tells her to. Plus, you think I'm gonna sit around and eat ice cream until I explode and gain weight just because of one guy? Please. That will so NOT be me. I know my worth, and I'll be damned if I settle for anything less than what I deserve. So no more of this boo-hooing because that is just plain fucking STUPID. If I have to force something then it's not worth it. I know when I go out there, I will find something that IS worth it; might not be for awhile but like I said, you can't force things to happen; you can just enable them to.

BTW, I'm not into girls or anything but the chick who does those vlogs I was talking about is super hot. I'm so glad she did one with no makeup on cuz it made me feel like less of a Frankenstein when I get out of the shower/wake up in the morning :)