Yuck

Ugh, I am not happy with my lifestyle choices lately. Wait, scratch that; I'm happy with everything BUT my eating. Despite my last post over a month ago, my eating has not cleaned up much which is extremely unfortunate. I haven't gained anything (knock on wood) but now it's getting to the point where my workouts are suffering. I'm definitely not happy about that. This morning, I did IMAX 3 and for the first time since I did this workout the very first time, I felt like I was gonna die. I couldn't finish 2 of the blasts because my legs were not having it but I powered through it. Not my proudest moment. I don't even know why I can't get this beast under control: could be stress and I have been under a lot of that recently. Between school ending (for now), getting shit straightened at the new school, finding a place to live next month, and dealing with friend drama things haven't been the most calm around here. I don't want to use that as an excuse though because everyone has stress, you just have to find productive ways to deal with it. I know, easier said than done but I need to do something...NOW. I've also been getting up in the middle of the night and eating something, anything, I can get my hands on. This was a really bad habit I had when I was working at the hole and I think it has less to do with being hungry than just being anxious. Blah, I dunno. I have been writing in my journal a lot about personal stuff I don't want to broadcast online so that has been helping, but I think I need to come and blog about the weight stuff more to help me get back on the bandwagon.

I'm so fucking sick and tired of starting over...and over...and OVER again. It gets old after awhile. It's also kinda like the boy who cried wolf; if you constantly make empty promises to other people, eventually they stop buying into the bullshit. Why should it be any different when you lie to yourself and do the same thing? And I am a huge believer in not blowing smoke up people's asses when you have zero intentions on keeping your word. I have to show myself the same respect I show other people in that regard.