GAAAA!!

Remember all the efforts I posted 10 days ago about how I was getting back on track with my eating and weight loss? Well guess what happened that day: I fell down the stairs and sprained my ankle! Yup, I overstepped the last stair while I was carrying my duffel bag to go up to my parents' house and wound up crashing down on my foot. I could barely walk for 3 days let alone workout. I did some upper body stuff during the week because the mobility in my lower body was pretty limited. It's still stiff but today I'm gonna attempt to get back on the cardio wagon because this is ridiculous. The plan is to do some Low Impact Circuit but on a 6" step instead of 8"; I'm still not 100% sure step is a wise choice for my foot but I'll assess it as I go. I'm gonna wrap it too to cut down on the potential side-to-side movement so I don't screw it up anymore.

Also remember when I said last weekend should be interesting? Well that was a huge understatement. First off, as I just said, I sprained my ankle Friday before I even left my house. Fail #1. BFF was texting me while I was driving to my parents' house so I gave my phone to my friend and told her to answer him for me because I was driving. She did for awhile and then started texting him from her phone for whatever reason. I thought it was weird but didn't put much thought into it after that. The whole car ride back, she talked about how awesome he is. Saturday night we went to his house and she texted him the entire way up and talked about how awesome he is again, not to mention again for the entire 2-hr car ride back home on Sunday while she was texting him the whole time. I found out Monday they were talking all day and by this time I'm feeling like a typical psycho girl and getting really jealous. I also kinda felt like it was turning into a competition; she knows how I feel about him, she knows the issues that are behind it, but I felt like she was making a move on him too. I dunno, I'm just really insecure with stuff like this. Monday night she told me he invited her to a party this weekend that I never even knew about and 5 min later he texts me "Jane Doe is my new BFF." That was it. I saw red and flipped the fuck out. I don't even know where it came from but I was so pissed off and wanted nothing to do with them, so I stopped talking to both of them. I needed time to assess what I was feeling and put it in words but the both of them would not leave me alone! Even though I said "I just need some time to process this and want to be alone right now," they were freaking out and asking me what was wrong all day on Tuesday. BFF texted me, emailed me, etc. Then I found out my friend called him to talk about me (nothing bad, just that I want to effing BE WITH HIM) and that made me think uh wtf are you doing?? You don't even know him!

Thursday night BFF called me but I was at a dress fitting with a friend so I couldn't talk. We did exactly what I didn't want to do: hashed everything out over text. He told me he deleted my friend from FB and got rid of her number because she "is cool but [he doesn't] want to mess things up with [me]." That was NOT what I wanted him to do but he said he was doing it anyway. I didn't hear from him for 3 days after that convo and I felt lost. I felt like I lost my rock. I felt like I had no one to turn to with stupid stuff that was going on in my life or just to vent. It sucked. So yesterday I texted him something random and he called me:
BFF: Are we cool now?
Me: I thought we were cool after we talked Thurs.
BFF: I thought so but I wanted to make sure. Look, I don't like fighting with you. This whole week sucked because you were mad at me and refused to talk to me and I didn't know what to do. You're the only person I talk to regularly and really trust and if I lost you, I wouldn't know what to do because I need you in my life.
Me: Well I was just pissed off and I was being jealous. I can't tell you who to like because we aren't dating but I felt like here is this chick who knows how I feel and is moving in on the guy I'm in love with (whoops) as a competition thing.
BFF: You need to relax. I want to be with you but the distance won't be good and I know it will cause problems. If we had a bad breakup then I would lose you forever and I don't know what I would do if that happened.

So blow me. I'm so mad that all of this happened right before I moved down here. I've had feelings for this guy for 6 years and now I get to wait another 3 before we can do anything about it, and that's IF we can do anything about it. Then again, who knows if he would even chance dating me because of the "friend" thing. All I know is, he is one of the only people who has been a constant in my life, one of the only people I can honestly say I trust and whose opinion I highly value. He has my back 10000% of the time and is always there when I need him. He drops important things just to be there for me. He actually makes plans unlike most of the other guys I've been with (I know, that's kinda random and weird but I love when guys actually say "Hey, wanna do this?" instead of "I don't care, whatever you want to do.") UGH!! It just sucks. And I miss him a lot. And I really want to see him. And I'm insanely pathetic. The end.