Let's Try This Again

I haven't been blogging much at all since I started school, and I miss it. It's definitely an outlet for me and a huge stress reliever.

To sum up the past month, I have been busting my butt trying to get back into school mode, which really isn't too difficult despite the fact that I haven't done this for 7 years. The hard part is planning out my meals during the week, fighting those ginormous hot soft pretzels in the student cafeteria, and getting my workouts in. But so far so good!

In the past month, a "bad" workout week was getting 5 workouts in instead of 6, so I am happy about that. My eating has been so-so though, and the scale proves it; I lost 1 pound since last weigh-in, and I actually thought it would've been more. The denier in me said "I don't know WHAT could've possibly happened! I've been working out and eating on point." Yeah well, problem with that is while I did stay within my calories, I wasn't eating the best stuff. Something tells me that dark chocolate peanut butter cups aren't a food group, nor should they be allowed in my diet. Ditto for chocolate moose tracks ice cream (even though it was low fat).

I've said it before and I will say it again: sugar is evil! Especially for me. Not only is it a trigger food, but I'm convinced it pisses my body off to the point that it hangs onto fat just to be spiteful for feeding it crap. Plus, I just feel like shit after I eat it. The initial high is great but honestly it lasts a whole what, 5 seconds? Then I eat more, then I get angry, then I feel guilty, and hello this is why I am where I am. I really don't know what it is with me and food. Part of it is definitely a comfort thing. Another part is I feel like I "deserve" it for working as hard as I do but really when you think about it, it's just negating all that hard work so wtf is the point of eating it in the first place? Another part is to avoid people's stupid comments, I just eat "normal" stuff. I really hate when people feel the need to call you out for eating healthy; if I want a salad, why can't I eat a damn salad? Am I making you eat it? No. So shut up!! In the end, the real question is why do I give a fuck what people think???? This is honestly the only time I give weight to someone's negative opinion about me and it needs to stop.

There are 109 days until we do Vegas. I'm going with some of my friends who are skinny little bitches, and me standing next to them in a bikini might make everyone vomit or run for cover. I'm not letting that happen. I want one of those big calendars like they have on "I Used to be Fat" so I can rip the days down as they go, but I guess a dry erase board will have to do. My bro is doing P90X in preparation, so I decided to start STS again tomorrow. I'm also eating way clean; he is too, so that should help a lot. And the most important challenge of all: NO SUGAR!!!!! This is the big one for me but I can do it. I've done it before, then Christmas screwed me up and I haven't been back on track since then. But there is no better time than now right? I also plan to diligently track on SP and also (and this is very important) drink my water. That is hard to do since the school's water tastes like pool water, so I'll bring my 3 huge bottles to last me through the day.

Seriously, something has to be done, and I know it's my eating that is the problem. Really, I lost 1 pound since I started this blog FIVE MONTHS AGO!!!!!!!!!! That is pathetic. I really need to kick myself into gear and be more mindful of what's going into my mouth, otherwise this is just a bunch of wasted time and effort.