So I guess I'm single now, which blows. It really, really blows. I won't delve into the specifics but I'm upset at what this turned into and I wish we could have fixed things before we got to this point; I'm just not sure how we could have done it. Anyway, I still love him and wish him all the best; I know he will be great at whatever he does and I just want him to be happy. I'm sad I couldn't do that for him but I can't beat myself up over it. I wasn't going to blog about it since this is a weightloss & wellness blog so that's all I will say about it.
Anyway, it does have a point in my journey; initially, all I wanted to do today was curl up and die. Seriously. This morning I tried to cover up my lack of sleep by slapping on some bronzer; too bad I cried it all off by the time I got to school. Stupid Taylor Swift and her new single, and I also started listening to the newest Birthday Massacre album and the lyrics are my life to a T, so that also set me off. Chem lab took my mind off things, then I went to the A&P to buy stuff to make dinner and I literally had a breakdown...like, almost falling to my knees in the aisle breakdown. Between the Valentine's Day shit everywhere and the music on the radio, I just reached my end. Then that fucking Katy Perry song "Firework" came on and I lost it. Don't know why, I just did.
Anyway, my point is that despite my day being probably the shittiest day of my life, I am trying to work through it and be strong. The old me would have given up and said let's buy some candy, SUGAR, and lay around all day feeling sorry for ourselves because we deserve a break. Didn't happen this time. Yeah, I did sleep for a couple of hours when I got home and I didn't feel much better when I woke up. I wasn't going to workout but I've come to the realization that I'm not the type of person who can sit and dwell on the negative, because that is a recipe for disaster. So, I worked out and it helped distract me for an hour and I feel like I did something today which is good. My mom even asked if I wanted her to buy some comfort food and I said no. Can you believe it?? A food/sugar addict saying no to comfort food. That is probably a first for me. At the same time, despite my appetite being non-existent, I am forcing myself to eat and eat healthy. These are all things that are brand new behaviors so I'm hoping that's a good sign that things are changing and I'm heading on a healthier path. So that's my silver lining for the day.
This video was made by a youtube user by the sn koritsa1983
Secret ~ The Birthday Massacre
I woke up as I waited
Bleeding slow
There was no way to
Make all this blow over so
I started writing the ending
I said too much
And you just kept on pretending
For both of us
I could never speak anyway
What you wanted to hear
I couldn't convey
We were just sinking too fast to save
The two of us
Whispering away
All the days that I've counted
You'll never know
All that I promised, you doubted
I told you so
Forget the words that were spoken
And thoughts erased
Let's burn the path that was chosen
Without a trace
I could never speak anyway
What you wanted to hear
I couldn't convey
We were just sinking too fast to save
The two of us
Whispering away
I could never speak anyway
What you wanted to hear
I couldn't convey
We were just sinking too fast to save
The two of us
Whispering away
oh Melissa, im sorry you had a bad yesterday, but it sounds like your doing well in despite of everything. (((((Major Hugs to you dear))))
ReplyDeleteJust remember that everything happens for a reason. That's what I always tell myself when things like this happen.
Awesome job getting a workout in girl and high fives on passing on the sugar/comfort foods! Y
ps. Im sick of the V-day shit too ;-)
I'm actually not doing well at all...today is worse than yesterday. I cried during IMAX 3!!!! So I was gasping for air and crying at the same time. This sucks so bad. I'm trying to distract myself but I'm not doing a very good job. =(
ReplyDelete